I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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