Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
