Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
