i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
