are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize