Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
