My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can I color on your dick again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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