why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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