Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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