One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
