i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
