You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You pole danced in your parka.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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