I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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