you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize