What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
