I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
