I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
