I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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