standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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