and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
