I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
