Buhtt sex?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
