Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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