Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
