Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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