I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
