successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize