Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
