1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
