Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
