Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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