I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
