Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
