um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
