Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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