So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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