I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
