First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
