he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
