were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A bitchslap is in order.
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