exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
