Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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