I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
