he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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