Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
