I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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