i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
