We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
