Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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