allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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