I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize