When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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