somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
