the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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