life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
