4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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