What a fucking waste of an outfit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
