she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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