He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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