Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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