im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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