we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
