i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
