Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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