You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
