the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
