if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
