His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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