Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
