im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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