dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
