I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
