I think I won the penis lottery.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
