just tell him i said nine months
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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