Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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