yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
