You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
