singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
