He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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