i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
