literally had 100 drinks last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
