she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
