IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
