I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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