Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
