My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
