Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
