no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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