TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
